Season 3, Episode 3
Written by Joe Henderson and Alex Katsnelson
Directed by Tara Nicole Weyr
“.”I’m great at dismembering humans. How hard can it be to fix one.
I got my wish . . . The Maze Show! And it’s just as good as I thought it would be: Maze beats the shit out of a bunch of people, drinks to excess, has sex with other people’s partners, stitches up a dude’s gunshot wound and sews a button over the hole, and explores the meaning of life and the purpose of existence, all while exploiting the insulating qualities of genuine leather underwear.
All this mayhem begins tamely enough. Maze begins the week by drinking Dr. Linda under the table while waiting for her latest bounty to show up. She snags this one by giving him a coupon for a free margarita at Lux. He shows up, she smacks him and cuffs him, job done. The ease of capturing (cheap) hardened criminals like that one convinces Maze that she needs a bigger challenge, so she aims for the most notorious escaped killer currently at large, a hit man who shot two teenagers in cold blood. She informs the cop in charge of the case, a Lieutenant Herrera, that she’s on the job by commandeering his office and his office chair to snack on . . . wait for it . . . Detective Douche’s chocolate yogurt. Gotta give her points for attitude.
The fugitive stays ahead of the law by traveling around Canada with wealthy women. Decker tracks Maze’s progress by following stories of violence and pandemonium on the police channels all across the Frozen North. Hint: not all bear attacks in Canada are committed by bears.
Maze catches up with her quarry after sleeping with his current sugar momma. He’s got more lines than a plaid shirt and schmoozes her up, even after she handcuffs him to the bar. While he gazes soulfully into her eyes and tells her that they’re so much alike because they both blah blah blah, he somehow gets the cuffs off himself and onto her before he escapes. You might think Maze has finally met her match, but you would be wrong. She makes herself at home downstairs in his supposedly secret hideout while upstairs he packs to go on the run again.
Then she beats the shit out of him, but in a good natured way. He hits back, and you know she likes that. All this gentle flirtation gets interrupted by a room service attendant with an automatic who sprays the room with bullets. After a while, Maze tires of the game, so she throws a knife – backwards over her shoulder and without being able to see her target – and the shooting stops.
Unfortunately, LoverHitMan took a bullet to the gut. Maze Skypes Dr. Linda for medical advice. Dr. Linda tells Maze to sedate the poor man, so Maze clocks him. Then she digs the bullet out, probably with her fingernails. For a demon, this is truly a match made in heaven.
LoverHitMan sells Maze a story that he was framed by Lieutenant Herrera for the murders of the two teenagers. At first she doesn’t believe him, but Decker pokes around the case back at the precinct and realizes it smells bad. She and Lucifer interview the only witness to the crime, who changes his story to conform to whatever they suggest, thinking they work for Herrera. Decker sends Douche, who’s supposed to be on vacation in Hawaii, to check on Maze and warn her that Herrera works for organized crime.
LoverHitMan escapes Maze again, only to be captured by the psycho room service chick and her three goons. Before they can execute LoverHitMan and Maze, Detective Douche rides in on a white snowball and saves the day! Douche throws a snowball at Maze, distracting the hit team until our two favorite killers can gain the upper hand over the goon squad. Douche also stays behind to explain all the bodies to the Canadian Mounties, which can’t be easy, while Maze and LoverHitMan get away. Meanwhile, back at the precinct, Decker and Lucifer get the witness to flip, and arrest Herrera.
Sharing a rare intimate moment without any actual bloodshed, LoverHitMan asks Maze to join him in his life on the lam. Though she’s tempted, she declines. She realizes she likes her peeps, and her life, back in L.A. LoverHitMan explains that even though this case is over, he can never go back. The organized crime syndicate Herrera worked for will never stop searching for him.
Last episode’s case involved boring, weird stuff like micropenis jokes and puppets. However, we still don’t know the identity of the mysterious Sinnerman, who seems to have it in for Lucifer. Also last week the new precinct boss, Lieutenant Pierce, warned Lucifer that he lost someone at Sinnerman’s hands and to be careful. Now LoverHitMan appears to be in peril from the same source. This week’s episode closes on gloved hands holding large files on Lucifer, Dr. Linda, Maze, and the rest of the gang. Some ongoing menace threatens the crew, and we still don’t know why. Judging by the preview, next week we return to our regularly scheduled broadcast of Lucifer rather than The Maze Show. Some of the tension this week came from the emphasis placed on Maze’s lack of an afterlife: since demons don’t have souls, if they die, they just end completely. The knowledge that she can die, and die completely, adds new importance to Maze’s fight scenes. Hopefully, all this risk only serves to increase the tension, rather than portend the demise of a character. There are signs, though, that Maze may be growing something resembling a soul. Maybe, with a lot of luck, that points toward the creation of a spin-off series. We can all hope.