Season 3, Episode 1
Written by Ildy Modrovich
Directed by Karen Gaviola
““Are wings like body hair?””
The fact that the show Lucifer even exists proves that God is alive and has a sick sense of humor. I’ve always wondered if all of those references in the Bible to the “chosen people” actually meant “the entertainment.” It would explain a lot. Season three picks up exactly where season two ended, with Lucifer stranded in the desert with two giant, brand-new wings sprouting from his back. He forces the first vehicle he sees to stop, and finds a familiar face inside. Remember the hapless jewelry store robber that Lucifer stripped and humiliated and tied up? Yep, that’s him. He’s escaping from another heist when he runs into Lucifer in the middle of nowhere. God really has fun at this poor guy’s expense. With the cops hot on the trail, Lucifer steals the guy’s clothes once again, but at least lets him go free, at least if you call running barefoot through the desert wearing only tighty whiteys going free.
Once Lucifer makes it back to civilization, he insists on discovering who kidnapped him and left him in the desert. He assumes that this constitutes the crime of the century, but nobody else even realized he was gone. He takes Decker out to the spot where he woke up. At first, she does not believe his kidnapping story, nor that the area constitutes a crime scene. But then she finds an arm sticking up out of the sand. It turns out that the area contains not one, but two crime scenes.
The murder victim and his business partner used to take turns pranking each other. In the latest stunt, the partner hired a company to do a fake kidnapping. The partner swears he has no idea what happened to the victim. The kidnapping company, appropriately named “Snatched”, maintains such a low profile that the police cannot get a lead on them. A new lieutenant has taken over the precinct, and after engaging in a verbal pissing contest with Lucifer, he’s all too willing to set up Detective Douche as bait for another fake kidnapping to lure in the suspects. So, this fake TV show uses fake cops to set up a fake kidnapping to catch the fake kidnappers in the fake world of Lucifer. Decker, Douche, and the lieutenant set up a sting operation, but Lucifer is so intent on finding out who arranged his own kidnapping that he gets himself picked up instead of Douche. The two idiots who arranged the kidnapping of the murder victim swear that they had nothing to do with Lucifer’s kidnapping. They were only involved in the kidnapping of the murder victim, and that all went well: they picked the guy up, they took him to a remote location, they held him, and last they saw he was returning to his hotel. They direct Lucifer to another dude with a kidnapping business. Or at least, that’s what I think happened. Lucifer never sweats the small stuff like coherent plot lines.
Douche and Exceptional Ella realize that a person they thought was a cop where the body was found was an imposter. Using photographs from the crime scene, they track down his license plate number. Exceptional Ella uses a dead squirrel to trace the fake cop’s tire treads, but it’s all for nothing. Lucifer finds the guy first. The terrified man is packing his bags in preparation for leaving town. The poor man admits that he was spooked by the appearance of Lucifer’s brand-new wings and therefore dumped Lucifer in the desert. While Lucifer questions him, the wings pop back out again. The man tells Lucifer that he was hired by “The Sinnerman”, an important crime boss. Because the kidnapper botched the job when Lucifer’s wings frightened him, he must leave town before the crime boss gets hold of him. Douche and Decker arrest the kidnapper. Someone posts bail for him almost immediately, and shortly after that Decker and Lucifer find the man’s body impaled on re-rod underneath a pier on the beach. This makes one of the few episodes of Lucifer which leaves the crime unsolved. Actually, it leaves two crimes unsolved. We still don’t know why the prank kidnap victim was murdered, nor do we know why the crime boss ordered Lucifer’s kidnapping.
We never find out other things that are going on on a personal level, either. As soon as Lucifer gets back out of the desert, he asks, no, he demands that Dr. Linda cut off the new wings. She refuses. So he cuts them off again himself. They grow back again when he’s attempting to question the man who kidnapped him. Why do they keep growing back?
Poor Amenadiel! He’s saddened when Lucifer informs him that Mum left permanently for another universe. His wings won’t grow back, and he’s lost all his powers. Meanwhile, Lucifer keeps growing unwanted wings and regains almost all of his powers except one: he’s lost the ability to reveal his devil face. Supposedly Amenadiel is God’s favorite son, but you’d never know it from the deal he’s getting right now. Exceptional Ella cheers him up with a little pep talk. She says you have to believe that God has a plan for everything. From Amenadiel’s point of view, it’s easier to believe that God is trying out jokes for some sort of cosmic standup routine.
At the end of last season, Lucifer determined that he would tell Decker all of the truth about himself. He decides to do that again, but now his devil face won’t work. He could just show her the wings, but somehow that never happens. She assumes, that once again, he’s just messing with her and ignoring her feelings. If these two ever do manage to get a relationship off the ground, somebody needs to write a sacred book about it, because it will constitute a miracle.
Witty, irreverent, and a little profane, Lucifer never disappoints with its mixture of playful violence, dick humor, and occasionally somewhat lucid murder mystery. If that constitutes a formula, then it’s a good formula. Season three looks like it’s going to be a lot of devil-may-care fun.